I set myself ablaze so I can be reborn again.

Sometimes, it takes a really hard fall to get a man back onto his feet and get his brain clicking right. It's going to hurt, real hard. It's going to make you numb, but the pain will still be felt. I would rather someone help stick the knife into me but it seems that I have to take the plunge myself.

Wake up, before anyone gets hurt.





Kbox.Settlers.Outing

Been flooding myself with outings recently and everyone's not too happy about it. Everyone's namely my parents and my wallet and my homework by the way.

It is actually good that there is time for me to go out and enjoy this week of my life, getting my mind off sadistic crazy nonsense inspired from being too antisocial these days. But I thinks its too much. I am not really myself now, spending so much money and time, neglecting my work.

Today was fun again. Spent 5 hours kboxing in a group of 4 so everyone had a lot of time to sing. We went Settler's Cafe after that, second time I went to a boardgaming cafe in 2 weeks, and there were different games compared to Minds' Cafe. Had a lot of good laughs, good jokes, poor dinner. The day ended with a poor wallet too.

Dunno, that was all, come to think of it. Happy times cost a lot but pass really quickly and you tend to forget them fast. Sad times comes to you free of charge and stay etched to your heart for eternity.

Darn, two more parties to go to and my wallet and homework are not allowing me to have fun.











MR.White.Christmas

There was a reunion with the secondary 2 guys. Felt really really good to be with them once again. A few days ago, when I was packing my room, I found the get HUGEE well card the class wrote to me when I was diagnosed with diabetes. The jokes, the nonsense, the well wishes inside the card warms me whenever I read it. It's touching to know that someone was there for you when you were down and out and dying even though you have never been close to some of them. It was really nice to see everyone again today.

Somehow, I think I need to say this - Besides everyone, there was also her. She looked stunning today. So much so that I didn't say much to her. As a matter of fact, there was nothing I said at all. Nothing. *Sniff* - but I think its wrong to talk about her like a thing I fancy, so this should be the last time you will see me write about her.





Minds.Cafe.Reunion

The first break I had so far since the holidays came in. Went out with the camp people from last year. Its been so long since I've seen everyone, even those whom I spent 4 years of my life with. Makes me feel so distant, so separated from the world.

Overall, it was a fun affair, but joy comes when you overcome the unhappy bits of life and it will remind you of the unhappy bits.

I was kinda touched today. I got Christmas presents when I didn't expect any. And I didn't give any back in return, which made me feel guilty.

Kexin's card was a nice touching surprise and rekindled my belief in certain things which I thought was quixotic and were thus given up. Maybe little words of encouragement and support really work and people do appreciate them. The world is not as cold and heartless and unappreciative as I previously thought. Thanks for the card :D

This is the start of a series of celebratory events for Christmas and New Year. I am really looking forward to light up my really dead life.





Even a self-proclaimed Jester can be weak. I am not sadistic, I do not get satisfaction from the downfall of others. I am not a sadistic Jester.

These holidays have been pretty amazing. I think its only during these two months of the year which I really get to observe people, make new friends, remake old friends and find out how true some people really are. I finally found out that its friends and people who keep me going. Either that or I have extreme split personality disorder =P

Either I become really sadistic and independent, just to prove to everyone I can do it. Or I find friends to push me on next year, which I believe I have found some. I really really hope its the latter that will happen.





The air hung cold and still in the night, shrouding the village in a blanket of darkness. Lifeless, everyone was long gone, with only the spirits left behind, tending their own graves, minding their own business.

A short distance from the village laid a crumbling ruin. A magnificent castle, in her days of glory a century ago, it is now nothing more than a pile of bricks and rubble. The royalty she used to housed and the prisoners she used to confine are now merely bones, picked clean by her most recent tenents, the vultures, who have left decades ago, to seek better luck elsewhere. Anywhere is better, than this ghost town.

In front of the castle laid a courtyard. Complementary to her backdrop, just like she did a century ago, she serves no more than to remind anyone who stumbles across this land that this place is dead. Broken walls made up the boundaries and the ground was barren. Even the hardiest of all weeds simply could not thrive in this miserable place of doom.

Something glistens in from the center of the courtyard as the moon peaks out from behind the clouds. Right in the middle of the courtyard were four statues in a circle, four memories, four clues that could ever suggest that humans once lived on these lands and prospered.

There was the Prince, smelted from the finest grades of bronze. Beneath his feet were a pile of books, also frozen in bronze, with inscriptions running through every inch of space available. The facial features of the Prince was still as striking and charming as ever, even after countless years of weathering.

Besides him stood the Queen, cast in pewter. Jewels were once set upon the hollowed out sockets and adorned her body. One would guess that thieves and looters have eventually claimed it on their own. Standing on a rostrum, she reigned over the other three statues. She was tall, slender and beautiful, a stunning sight to behold in her days.

A gilded figure with a huge round belly was next. It was not hard to guess that this was the Merchant. Scales in one hand and a book in the other, he was once an imposing character in the marketplace, yet today he stands next to the others, unmoving and dead.

The last figure was a bit perculiar. Cast in stone and sculptured roughly, it was the least decorated amongst the four. In one of his hands held a scepter and on top of his head was a long triangular hat. From the chipped off and weather face, one can visibly see a huge smile running through it. This was the statue of the Jester.

Though frozen in space and time, these characters each had a story of their own and when interwined, brought about both life and death to this village.





I know the last post was a bit disturbing but rest assured I wont do that to anyone who reads this blog =P

Anyway, that little bit got me going a bit on my short-story-which-will-eventually-become-a-best-selling-novel so I will post the chapters here bit by bit.

This is a story of how knowledge, beauty, wit and a scientific mind can bring about life and prosperity and how hypocrisy, lust, greed and cunningness can destroy who we really are. This is just a way to pass time, and this story is for me and myself only.





Was inspired by someone to write a short story. It failed. In that process of writing, I came up with something which I found a bit freaky about myself. I likened my many faces to that of a court jester, now that's freaky...